unantigravitationalism (ilovesaturday) wrote,
unantigravitationalism
ilovesaturday

Stagnant.

Sometimes I wish I had enough courage. Courage to own up to my mistakes and stop pointing fingers. Courage to take a step and not worry about what life would throw at me this time.

Right now, if there's one thing that's dominating my life, it is fear. Fear of being inadequate. Fear of being everything I never wanted to be. Fear of taking the risk and finding that it was never worth it after all.

I had my fair share of ups and downs and although I know it's not right to let your troubles and concerns keep you down and hinder you from taking the extra mile, I always let those things get in the way --may it be with matters that involves the mind or the heart.

Before, I face head on whatever challenges that comes my way. No matter how beaten down I get, I managed to get out of it alive, win or lose. But I think because of all the battle scars and wounds that I got, now I get weary too fast. Hopefulness and optimism drains fast and I tend to retreat from battle during the first sign of helplessness. You can call it weakness or cowardice or whatever you want --but I call it fear. Fear of bringing harm to myself once again. Fear of being, yet again, vulnerable around my opponents and suffer defeat completely.

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Now, if only I have enough courage once more... then...
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